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EATING OUT
Restaurant Review
e Pilgrim’s Pantry
by a Special Correspondent
ey fled Britain because
it was too liberal, now they’ve
opened a themed restaurant in
your town. e Pilgrim’s Pantry
is the newest entry in the themed
restaurant craze that has swept
through the city in the last few
years. It’s a craze that has been
marked by noticeable successes
(who would have thought “Death
Row”, in which kids get to cook
their own food with personal
electric chairs, would prove to be
such an enduring birthday party
staple?) and failures (Nagasaki
was a tasteless joke gone too far,
even for this town) and now the
Pilgrim’s Pantry are having their
hessian clad turn in the sun.
e food is simple, traditional
fare – raw turnips, freshly
slaughtered turkeys, salted
meats and so on. While the
dining room is Puritan themed,
it’s unsurprisingly sparse.
But it is the edutainment
on offer that will keep kids
delighted and parents happy that
their kids are being educated
and entertained while enjoying
nutritional fare.
“Me, my husband and our
two little ones were delighted
when halfway through our meal
a Native American in traditional
costume came to our table and
taught us how to catch a wild
turkey. e kids were even
more delighted when a man in
Puritan costume screamed ‘I’m
bringing you to God, by the
Book, or the sword, Savages’ and
promptly stabbed him to death.
My husband greatly enjoyed
the Witch Drown ‘n’ Burn
that followed dessert. I myself
loved it when the friendly and
informative staff stoned a heathen
to death for misinterpreting a
Bible passage during a trivia
quiz. My husband complained it
was historically inaccurate, but I
was having too much fun to care.
Trust me, if you and your family
are into historical fun, you’ll love
the Pilgrim’s Pantry.”
e Pilgrim’s Pantry, where
good friends, good values and
hunger are history. ❖
Open every day, except Sunday.
CREDITS
